Stop! I know why you're watching this video. I know how you got to my channel, and I know that you're probably starting a binge watching session to help you stay connected to your dismissive avoidant ex, but the first piece of advice that I want to give you is, this content isn't intended to diagnose anyone in your life, or it's not intended to give you false hope that this person would come back and you can some way finagle your way back into their relationship. If any relationship is causing you to lose yourself or have some type of dysregulated nervous system, then I never recommend getting back into that type of dynamic. If you want my help personally you can reach out to me on my website at www.fruitfulseedz.com and now let's get into the content.
In today's video, I'm going to answer the question ‘Does the dismissive avoidant have any type of regrets after the breakup?’.
The first scenario that I'm going to talk about is a scenario where the relationship was pretty short lived. I would say anything under a year or 6 months. Those relationships tend to go into this relief stage because they just didn't see you as an option, as someone that they can move forward with a real future. When this tends to happen, they seem to find flaws within this relationship, they find flaws within you, they start to have a couple things that technically would be ‘bugaboo’. Something that's kind of this annoyance in a relationship, and not something that's a complete deal breaker, where a person should break off a relationship.
If it's a scenario where the person has been with you longer than a year and a half, two years, then I do see those avoidants becoming very upset and dysregulated after the relationship, themselves. This usually happens after a little bit of time. I've seen countless amounts of clients where they'll reach out to me, they'll send me screenshots of someone who was a dismissive avoidant and had broken up with them after about nine months, a year. They get this message from them with all of their feelings and their emotions about how they truly felt throughout that breakup and how they were just kind of in this freeze state where they could not express themselves. It kind of makes the people that was in a relationship with them feel like, this is too little too late. By that time, a person has already moved on, they've already grieved that relationship, but the dismissive avoidants take so long to really process and feel their emotions. They're literally catching up with you, after the breakup has already been well done, well over with.
The really cool thing about this job is the internet is powerful. There have been more people that are dismissive avoidants reaching out to me within the past 6 months than I've ever had, where they're actually wanting to heal themselves. They actually want to show up better in their relationships and I'm talking about before the relationship ends. They're reaching out to me because they're starting to see these signs, they've gotten videos from their other partner about the relationship, about how they feel like their partner might be dismissive, and a partner agrees with them. I've had probably 5 to 10 clients reach out to me within the past couple months that were dismissive avoidants and they're giving me really good insight on what they're feeling in those moments. I had a client that reached out to me and said that he no longer wanted to hurt his girlfriend. He saw the flaws in himself and it made him feel terrible to see his girlfriend cry. So what he wanted to do was to reach out to me to learn different school skills, learn different tools on how to communicate better and how to not freeze up when they're having intimate moments, or when things get a little bit too overwhelming for him. I can tell you that he's doing a really good job about being mindful and continuing up on some of the journaling that we talked about, and some of the mindful moments that he has to take before he starts to deactivate from her. Another woman reached out to me who is a dismissive avoidant herself, and she works a lot, and she's really trying to learn new ways on how to stick in these relationships that she's in. When I say relationship, I mean the dating scenarios where she literally only gives a person one or two dates before she makes her decision. So what she's trying to do is start to see the positives in the person. We make a list of different positives that she sees in the person and different things that she feels like are a deal breaker and things that I have to remind her that's actually healthy in those relationships, and in those partners.
So answering the question again, ‘Do they have regrets after the breakup?’. Yeah, I've seen it many times, but it all depends on the certain scenario and the conditions of the relationship. Some relationships they understand are not going to work out, just like a person with a secure attachment style. The ones that they really have a hard time getting over, and I actually see more reconciliations happen, are the ones where the relationship was longer than two years, two and a half years. They've crossed these different relationship milestones where they've lived together, or they've gotten engaged, or even about to be married, and for whatever reason they kind of implode the relationship and break up.
So if you found this video of any value, please like, comment and share. You can reach out to me on my other social media accounts: Instagram is [iamcoachcourt], Facebook is [coachcourt] and TikTok is [iamcoachcourt]. Always remember, when you go be love, you'll never have to find it. Namaste.