One of the most common questions I get is: "How long should I wait before reaching out to a dismissive avoidant after no contact or a breakup?"
Let’s talk about that—but first, a quick disclaimer:
If you were in a relationship with poor communication, volatility, or emotional unsafety, I do not recommend reaching back out. Your peace matters more than a possible reconnection.
But for those of you whose dynamic wasn’t toxic and who want a shot at healthy reconnection, let’s get into it.
The Sweet Spot: 6 to 8 Weeks
From years of experience coaching clients through reconnections with avoidant partners, I’ve seen that 6 to 8 weeks tends to be the most effective window.
Yes, I know that might sound long. You may be thinking, “Why would I wait that long for someone to come around?”
Here’s why:
Avoidants process their emotions slowly. In the first few weeks after a breakup, they tend to repress, shut down, or detach completely from what just happened. While you may be eager to talk it through or find closure, they’re just beginning to feel what you’ve likely been processing since day one.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz
Their Repression Timeline
If your ex is deeply avoidant, they may not start accessing their true emotions until week 4 or later. Even things like exchanging personal items, discussing the breakup, or signing divorce paperwork can feel emotionally charged—and that’s exactly what avoidants try to avoid.
So don’t be surprised if they:
-
Avoid returning your things
-
Ghost your texts even if they initiated the breakup
-
Put off having any kind of emotional conversation
Rushing this process can push them deeper into their shell.
If you force the interaction too soon, it might feel like pressure—and pressure is one of the biggest triggers for someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style.
Not All Avoidants Are the Same
Some avoidants may only need a couple of weeks. Others may take months. It depends on their level of avoidance and how emotionally intense the relationship was.
If you’re unsure, lean on the 6 to 8 week window as a healthy guideline for reconnection. It gives them time to breathe—and gives you time to regulate and reflect as well.
Final Thought
The goal isn't just to reconnect—it's to reconnect in a way that doesn't restart the same unhealthy cycle. Waiting is part of creating a new, more grounded dynamic.
💬 Need support deciding when or how to reach out?
Book a 30-minute session and get personalized coaching that honors both your heart and your healing.
And always remember:
When you go be love, you’ll never have to find it.
Namaste.
Bonus Youtube Video And Script
How long to wait before you reach out to a dismissive avoidant after a period of no contact or if you've broken up.
Before we get into the video, I'm going to give you guys a little bit of a disclaimer. I don't recommend reaching out to any type of person who you’ve had an unhealthy dynamic with. This means poor communication, a little bit of toxicity or a little bit of volatility, where you felt unsafe in that relationship. I never recommend going back to that type of dynamic. For those where this wasn't the case, continue on for the video.
The amount of time that I’ve seen work the best in the past, that had the most success, would be 6 to 8 weeks. Now I know people are going to jump in the comment section and say ‘why would I wait 6 to 8 weeks to reach out to anyone or to reconcile with anyone’. It's because for the avoidant, they process things a lot slower than other attachment styles. It takes them 6 to 8 weeks because they're usually repressing and trying not to feel their emotions within that first month, at least. The degree of avoidance also plays a big part in how long to wait. Sometimes you may have someone that may be a tad bit avoidant and just needs two weeks, but for those who you consider to be a lot more avoidant, they're going to take time to process, they're going to need to repress. In that time, you can't expect for them to try to exchange the things that you own. You can't expect for them to be gung-ho about signing that divorce paperwork for the divorce that they actually wanted, because they're still repressing. You may not even get the keys to your house back right away. So, since this is the dynamic that you chose to begin with, this is going to be a healthy reconciliation time period. If you try to do things too quickly, you may just push them right back into their shell. They're going to clam up more, because things that are emotionally charged and they feel deeply about, they try to avoid it.
So if you want my help personally, reach out to me on my website at www.fruitfulseedz.com and always remember when you go be love, you'll never have to find it.
Namaste.