In today's video, I'm going to give you three quick reasons as to why avoidants won't chase love, but before I get into the video, a quick disclaimer. This video isn't intended to give anyone false hope or to have someone stick into a relationship where they feel like their mental health is being jeopardized. If you want my help personally, the quickest way to get into contact with me is through my website at www.fruitfulseedz.com.
The reason that I decided to make this video is because I did a video back in 2022 and I just want to follow up with that video (I’ll include that link in the comment section) and I've also had a lot of people that have come to me, because they take this personally. They have questions like: ‘is it me’, ‘is something wrong with me’, ‘was I too anxious’, ‘am I not good enough’, ‘are they dating someone else’. So I decided to make this video, because I wanted to clear the air about those concerns.
The first reason why an avoidant won't chase after someone. Whether it's after a breakup or you're in no contact and you may be protesting because they're not showing up the way that you want them to show up, is that they don't want to burden their partner. They go into these relationships already knowing that they have some type of defect, as far as their ability to be in a relationship, or at least they feel they have some type of defect. So I've had someone tell me multiple times that they just didn't want to burden their partner. They didn't want to be an inconvenience to their partner, because they know that when it comes to that emotional intelligence in relationships, it's hard for them to meet the person that they're in a relationship with, on the same level. So, often times, when you hear them say: ‘I just can't give you what you need’, ‘I just need to be by myself right now’, ‘I can't show up for you in this relationship’, ‘I'm not on your same level’, they mean it.
The second reason is that they've rarely seen healthy relationships. When I've been working with people, I've seen that their background comes from environments where there wasn't a whole lot of nurturing and a lot of kissing, a lot of handholding, any of that type of stuff. I mean I've had people say that their parents didn't even sleep in the same bedroom if not even the same house, like their dad might have been traveling or their mom might have been traveling a lot. So they've rarely seen what healthy relationships look like. Healthy meaning proper communication, conflict resolution, physical affection, and just being vulnerable in the relationship with the person that they were with.
Number three is probably the biggest reason. Chasing is too vulnerable for them. When you're in a relationship with them, you know that it's really vulnerable for them to open up about their emotions, for them to tell you that they love you, for them to actually speak up on what their needs are. It's no different after you've been broken up or you're in no contact. Even if their needs are to be in communication with you, to have your companionship again. They won't say it because it makes them look like they're weak. This isn't something I'm just making up, this is something I've been told multiple times. So rest assured if a relationship with an avoidant had just ended, you may not have been the issue. You might have been doing everything right and that could be the biggest issue. They're scared of giving themselves to you completely, but at the end of the day, your needs actually matter too.