What does a dismissive avoidant want? I have been coaching, mentoring and working with individuals and families for the past 18 years. Parents would often ask me why are their children making certain decisions that they're making, but deep down they knew exactly what the underlying issues were? When I work with individuals who are in a relationship with someone that's a dismissive avoidant, they have no clue what it is that the dismissive avoidant actually wants. Why do they bother to get into a relationship to begin with, if they know that they're not someone that can maintain a healthy long-lasting relationship, why do they bother?
Well I may have some insight for you in today's video, but I want to remind you guys that this content isn't meant to give you false hope or meant to diagnose someone that you're in a relationship with. Any relationship where you feel your mental and physical health is being jeopardized, I truly suggest that you rethink if this is the right relationship for you. If you want my help personally, the quickest way to get into contact with me is through my website at www.fruitfulseedz.com.
In today's quick video I'm going to give you three things that a dismissive avoidant wants in a relationship, in a romantic relationship.
The first thing that the avoidant wants is companionship. If you think about appetites, everyone has a different appetite. Some people need a lot of food, some people need a little food. So when it comes to a dismissive avoidant, when they get out of a relationship, after a while, their stomach starts to growl. They want to have someone around, someone that's a confidant, someone that they can have there to just do life with. The thing about them is, their stomach gets filled very quickly while they're in a relationship. So their appetite isn't as big as someone that may be an anxious attacher. So when they get out of a relationship, they're like ‘okay I've had my fill’, but then after a while, the stomach starts to growl and they start to seek out that relationship again. This is why you see pretty often that they really want to maintain that friendship or even when you go through a breakup, they start to act totally different, they start to not be as distant, they start to send you things that you guys would do when you guys were in a relationship. It's almost like the pressure of being in a relationship gets relieved so then they can just nurture the friendship, which leads me to my next one.
The second thing is they want an easy flowing relationship and it's unrealistic. Relationships take work. Me and my wife were actually listening to this podcast and in the podcast the guy that's a psychologist was saying that healthy relationships actually have disagreements. They may not have arguments, but they do have some debates and they challenge each other's thinking. The problem with someone who's a dismissive avoidant is, they don't like to be challenged, and they pretty much have black and white thinking in the way that they view things.
The third thing that they want is patience, support and understanding. You have to be patient if you're in a relationship with them, because you have to understand that there'll be times where they'll pull back and they'll need their alone time and their space. They want support, which means sometimes it's agreeing with them when you don't really agree with them, agreeing to disagree. The understanding piece is the biggest one, because they truly feel like they're a lone wolf. Like, no one understands the way that they feel and the way that they process things. When you start to show that ‘hey I get it’, they truly are grateful for those moments and they'll even express that ‘thank you so much for understanding, I appreciate you not taking it personal when I go into my shell’.
So if you found this video of any value, please like, comment and share. You can reach out to me on my other social media accounts: Instagram is [iamcoachcourt], Facebook is [coachcourt] and right here on YouTube is [coachcourt]. Thank you guys, and always remember, when you go be love, you'll never have to find it. Namaste.