Let me just start this video out by saying that secure individuals aren't perfect. There will be times when they stay in dynamics a little bit longer than they should have, and maybe even times when they become insecure themselves. What I've seen happen though, with individuals who are mainly secure, is they'll contact me for clarity. They're able to bring themselves back to the center point, going back to their core values, their core belief systems, quicker than individuals who have an insecure attachment style. In today's video I'm going to talk about how secure people would normally respond to a dismissive avoidant deactivating or even when they're in no contact.
A quick disclaimer though. This video isn't intended to replace therapy, give false hope or to persuade someone to stay in a dynamic where their mental health is being jeopardized. If you want my help personally, the quickest way to get into contact with me is through my website at www.fruitfulseedz.com.
First, let's talk about the text messaging aspect. How will a secure person respond when a dismissive avoidant either disappears, doesn't text them back for a while or even ghosts the person. The first way that a secure person will respond is they'll give them the benefit of the doubt. They normally wouldn't catastrophize what exactly is happening. They won't go to the automatic negative thinking those “ANTs” that you know insecure attachers tend to do. If they don't get a response back, they may follow up with a second text, but they won't get to the point where they say, ‘you know what, I'm never texting this person again’ or feel some type of hurt feelings about this. In fact, a secure person would understand that people are busy, they have lives outside of me. They may have things going on, they may be at work or caught up, they may be hanging out with family. Secure people understand that it's not always about them. This happens outside of just romantic relationships, it's even with your friendships. If you have a friend that is notorious for not texting you back or responding to a message a month later or even a week later. What secure people do is they won't get upset or make that person feel guilty for taking so long to get back to them.
Secondly, let's talk about the relationship dynamic with a dismissive avoidant. If a secure person manages to commit to a person that's more on the avoidant side, the first thing that they would do is they won't take the slow paced personal. If anything, they respect the slow pace. They'll understand that this is actually something healthy for a person to move at a pace that is comfortable for them. When the avoidant inevitably takes some space for themselves, the secure people are able to remain their authentic selves, not becoming too pleasey or overbearing, and want more communication with that person. They'll just get busy doing the things that they normally do in their regular life.
The third one in a relationship dynamic is the big one. Secure individuals know exactly when it's time to walk away. Which means, ‘I've given you enough’, ‘I've given you the benefit of the doubt’, ‘this relationship simply isn't meeting my needs’. When I was going through my healing journey I found this book “Tao Te Ching” written by Lao Tzu and what this book taught me was how to live in a centered way, a centered mindset. Meaning, not going too far in the light, not going too far in the dark, just trying to live right there in that ying yang symbol. Right there in that line, which means knowing when it's time to hold on to someone and knowing when it's time to let go. I think it models how a secure person normally shows up in relationships. They know when they're giving too much and they know when they're not giving enough. It's like a natural instinct because of the way that they were raised and the balance and emotional support that they had from either their caregivers or from the positive relationships that they've had in the past.
So if you found this video of any value, please like, comment and share. You can reach out to me on my other social media accounts: Instagram is [iamcoachcourt], Facebook is [coachcourt] and right here on YouTube is [coachcourt], and always remember, when you go be love, you'll never have to find it.